Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
