Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
