apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
