Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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