our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
