If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
