so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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