It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
