that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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