Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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