I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
