also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Even my vagina gasped.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
