You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were trust falling into bushes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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