ya dads aren't the best wingmen
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
