Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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