You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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