a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
