Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
