Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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