i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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