i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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