Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
