Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
