I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
