so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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