wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
