I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
