My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
