she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
