The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
