I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
