Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
