I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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