he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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