Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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