the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
