What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
