If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
