Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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