Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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