she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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