i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
