Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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