I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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