some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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