If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
