it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
