hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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