I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
