Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
