It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
