I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
