your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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