And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
