dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
